Louise - Grooming and Church Safeguarding

The names in this blog are changed to protect identities. Be aware that as well as this only being an example - it doesn't always happen like this, there are many cases like this, so if you think you know the family, you may be mistaken.

It is quite a well-to-do district, and many there enjoy a good quality of life, Louise and her family included. Teenager Louise lives with her parents and her younger brothers, Joe and Chris, in a nice detached home in the village. They have horses and a dog, and enjoy a life full of activity. Louise's Mother works in neurology, her Father is a business owner. They are a happy and close family despite the age differences between the children, Louise just turning 16, Joe is 11, Chris is 6.

The village church has bucked the trend and is thriving and lively, and as well as attending there, the children join a bigger church in town for some activities.

Louise is a quiet girl, but happy,  passionate about church and a very keen student at her private school, she's set on being a doctor, and her school career holds her in good stead, she has been a top student and is now looking forward to higher education. On Sundays she loves to chat to the retired doctors in church, they tell her stories and offer her advice. Louise hasn't yet had a serious boyfriend, while most of the girls in her year have, and sometimes they make her feel that she's missing out or that she's immature for not dating, but on the other hand, she knows that there's plenty of time for that, her studies are important. She wants to make her parents proud of her and she yearns for the day when she will be qualified to help and save. She gets the Doctors without Borders newsletters, and she dreams of joining them.

Something happened that changed life for Louise and her entire family.

The village church has two churchwardens, Andrew and Jennie. They are the normal friendly older middle class wardens that you expect from a village church. They are there outside the door to greet everyone on Sunday.

It had been shock to the church when Andrew's wife left him, they all rallied round with sympathy and food, and as details of the divorce were not forthcoming, the vicar told a prayer meeting from which Andrew was absent 'What goes on behind closed doors is none of our business, all we can do is support Andrew'. So the church admired Andrew's bravery and carried on as normal, as he did, except that they invited him round for meals regularly, it's what the church does.

Louise's family invited Andrew for meals or to eat out with them, to 'help him during this difficult time', and as the summer holidays came, Andrew became a family friend, he would play cricket with Joe and Chris in the garden while Louise was at work in her summer job. When Louise was home, Andrew was always keen to talk to her, to hear about her day and to talk about her ambitions in medicine; he was like an uncle to the children. He often gazed at her intently as they spoke, but she thought nothing of it.

One day when Louise came home, Andrew was there, he had been talking to her parents about a Doctor who he knew in a hospital about 20 miles away. He had asked his Doctor friend if Louise could visit the hospital and learn a bit and maybe work experience could be arranged in the field that she was interested in.

Louise and her parents were delighted as well as grateful, it was nice to have such a caring friend, they had no concerns about Louise being alone with a Good Christian such as Andrew, and the following week, Andrew took Louise to the hospital.

It wasn't quite what she expected. The Doctor friend, an older man with grey hair and an unkempt beard, didn't seem as interested in Louise's ambitions as in her looks and relationship status. He asked her if she had a boyfriend, and told her that hospitals always needed 'pretty young things like her' to brighten and liven things up.
'You have to be very special to be a female doctor, the men expect things of you if you want to do well, being pretty really helps your chances'. The Doctor and Andrew laughed but Louise was hurt and puzzled, this wasn't at all what she was expecting, she had already done some medical work experience and it hadn't had this atmosphere at all. She sat in the office with Andrew and the Doctor while they made jokes that she didn't completely understand, and a long time seemed to pass before the Doctor finally stood up and offered to give them a tour.

As they walked, he would touch Louise, putting his hand on her shoulder, arm or back for longer than she felt comfortable with, as he pointed out various aspects of the hospital. She endured it politely, she liked the hospital itself, it brought all her passion for a career in medicine to the fore.
At the end of the tour, Louise asked if work experience would be possible, and the Doctor told her she would 'have to apply through the usual channels, but he was sure they would be pleased to welcome a pretty young thing like her, as long as she didn't get pregnant or anything in the meantime'.

Louise was again surprised by such comments, she didn't have a boyfriend, she knew what protection was, and she was sure that this doctor shouldn't be saying things like this. He seemed old fashioned and out of touch, almost as if he was guessing at the way that teenagers behaved nowadays. She didn't say anything in response.

At the end of the tour, as the Doctor walked them to reception, he and Andrew were making in-jokes again, adult jokes that Louise had trouble following; and the Doctor said to Andrew very quietly, as Louise pretended to read some notices 'Good luck with her, she's really perky'. Louise would never be quite sure he was talking about her, but it made her very uncomfortable. Although she had enjoyed meeting some of the staff and learning about their daily routines, and she felt she had learned a bit, she was disconcerted about the way the Doctor had behaved, and Andrew's behavior somewhat as well.

As they left the hospital, Andrew suggested that they got a coffee at a nearby cafe. As they had a coffee and pastry, Louise was uncomfortable, Andrew kept his gaze on her the whole time. He asked her if she had enjoyed her tour of the hospital and she politely affirmed that she had. Then he asked her if she had a boyfriend and 'that kind of thing, as she was growing up fast now'. She told him that she felt that there was plenty of time for relationships later, it was important to concentrate on her studies and grades.
'But you can do both, you don't want to miss out while you're young' he replied 'I mean, you're not into girls, are you? Most girls your age already have boyfriends, unless they prefer girls and are keeping it quiet'.

Louise blushed and denied it 'Can we go home now?' she felt sick inside, she just wanted to be home, in her room, alone. Today had been too much pressure, not enough hope of work experience. She didn't want to work at the hospital and she was afraid that the Doctor was right about how her career would only progress through sex.

Andrew seemed offended 'You don't seem to have enjoyed today, that is a pity, it seemed like a good investment of my time, to show you what the medical world is really like, but you don't seem very happy about it'.

Louise was falling over herself to assure him that she was grateful and had found the day useful. Andrew snorted slightly and suggested that they headed home. Louise tried not to sound too enthusiastic as she agreed.

On the way home, Andrew pulled the car into a woodland car park, and suggested that they talked. Louise wondered if he would reveal why his wife had left him, as the church were still curious although the vicar forbade them from questioning. But no, it was another lecture about relationships and maturity.

'Adult life isn't about grades, you know, it is about exchanges, interactions; the best grades in the world won't get you far when other women can offer something else to the Doctors who might promote them'.

Louise said nothing, deep inside she felt shame and deep disappointment, but she didn't believe Andrew, she was sure that grades and qualifications must be important, there must be places where she could work without needing to flirt, or worse. And in General Practice, surely she wouldn't need to make any sacrifices, knowledge, work experience and qualifications should be enough. She was confused, and her stomach churned. Her foundation, her belief in academic achievement, was being rocked.

Andrew put his arm around her shoulders, making Louise jump nervously 'I'm only trying to help you, young lady, I'm worried that you might end up disillusioned, I only have your welfare in mind, your parents are good friends of mine'.

Louise gulped, remembering how offended Andrew had seemed earlier 'Can we go home and talk about this with my parents?' she asked.
Andrew stared ahead, not seeming to hear her 'It's hard to help young people these days, they get hysterical and make accusations...there was another girl like yourself that I was trying to help with her prospects, and she made accusations against me, would you believe it? I was like a father to her, and she accused me of shameful things...all I want is what's best for you, you know you're perfectly safe with me, don't you?'

His arm was still round her shoulders, but his hand moved lower. 'Don't you have feelings and needs?' he asked her. Louise pulled away and took her phone out of her pocket 'I would really like to go home now' she told him, she was afraid now.

'Okay, okay, all I want to do is help, calm down young lady, I'm not a rapist or a molester or anything, I just want what's best for you, you seem afraid of intimacy and your head is full of big dreams, adult life is hard and I'm just trying to prepare you'.

Thankfully he started the engine and drove them home in silence. At the house he spoke again 'You don't need to worry your parents with any tall tales now, do you? The only aim of today was to show you what the world is really like, and what being in the medical world really means, and it was a sacrifice by both of us to give you today'.

Andrew drove off without coming into the house, and Louise went in and went to her room. Her parents had taught all three children that they never needed to hide anything that worried them about the way people treated them, and so Louise, although quite embarrassed and confused, told her mum everything when she came to check if something was wrong.

Louise's parents were horrified. Her Dad phoned the Vicar, and was quite surprised to get a dismissive response, the Vicar said that it was obvious that there was no sexual assault and no clear sign of attempted seduction, Andrew was an old fashioned man and had probably said things that he didn't realize could be misconstrued in this day and age, and the same for his Doctor friend, maybe Louise was being a bit sensitive because of things she had seen on television or learned at school. The Vicar said that the matter would be passed on to one of the congregation who was the 'Safeguarding Representative', and Louise's Dad was mortified, as they knew the Safeguarding Representative well and she was also friends with Andrew, this did not feel good, but the Vicar said that as they had reported a problem, it had to be discussed.

To make a long story short. Anyone holding a position in the village church was soon aware of the allegations, and Andrew was treated like a victim, he was a popular man with his position, his payments into the church and charitable causes, he made weary utterances about how he had only been trying to help the family and it had backfired and he would never have dreamed of harming a young girl, he was a Christian and God would be the judge. Unfortunately for the family, everyone believed Andrew.

The Safeguarding Representative came and took notes from Louise and her parents, and spoke to Andrew, and said she would be in touch when she had 'investigated', but they didn't hear back, so Louise's Dad phoned her and was told that she had 'referred it to the Diocese', in the meantime the family felt unable to attend church as the atmosphere was unfriendly, no more invites to garden parties and events, some people pointedly avoided them.

The Diocesan Safeguarding Representative told the family that their case 'Had to wait' as she received hundreds of complaints each month and those that went to the police as well were priority.
Hundreds of complaints per month? Louise's Dad scratched his head in confusion, the Diocese only had hundreds of functioning churches, was each church having safeguarding complaints multiple times each month?

Louise, as she prepared for college, was having problems with anxiety, depression and shame. Being ostracized at church had compounded things. The family GP was male, and Louise was adamant that she didn't want to see him, so they went to a female GP who sympathized and referred Louise to a counsellor, she also assured Louise that she had not had to give favours to male Doctors in order to become a Doctor. This eased the situation a lot for Louise, and she began to prepare for college with more enthusiasm as the family started to worship at a big Evangelical church in the nearby town, it lacked the same family atmosphere as the village church and it was hard to leave friends and memories behind, they would miss the Church Easter Trip to the Lake District, and the usual traditions and ways for each festival, it was hard to leave, which is why many people who suffer in church remain and suffer being ostracized.

By the end of the year, the Diocese still hadn't got back to them, Louise was responding well to counselling and she understood that she had done the right thing by discouraging Andrew, where other girls might have been curious and flattered and allowed his touch and talk to go further, Louise had been firm, and she knew that no matter where she went in her career, she could do the same again. Life was knitting the wound. But Louise's parents were concerned about Andrew and his Doctor friend, had they behaved like this with other women? Andrew had mentioned a girl to Louise, but there was no knowledge of the other girl in the church or diocese.

When they phoned the Diocese, they were met with excuses, and Louise's Dad wrote to the Bishop, who wrote back, saying that the matter had been investigated and closed, as there was no evidence and they hadn't reported it to the police. He would be happy to reopen the case if the police found something. The family were furious, and putting Louise through an ordeal with the police when there was no real evidence would not be worth it. It seemed that the church held their image in more importance than the family's wellbeing. They didn't want to 'discourage' people from attending the church because of an 'unproven scandal'.

Louise's mum bumped into a member of the church in the street, an old friend, who didn't like Andrew. The friend, Anne, said how much she missed the family and said that she still wanted to be friends, she believed the family and not Andrew. 'He's in the same lodge as the Bishop, so as well as being able to put his case to him at the Deanery Synod, he gets to fraternize with him at lodge meetings'.

'Lodge?' visions of a country club or hunting lodge crosses Louise's mum's mind.

'You know, the Masons?'

'So during the time they are investigating Andrew, he's attending synods and lodge with the Bishop and still holding his position and acting all innocent?'
She was furious. How can there be an impartial investigation?

Louise's dad writes to the Bishop, asking for an impartial investigation. No response is made. He writes again saying that maybe it should go to the press, the Bishop says that he thinks that would damage Louise, but he could 'speak to his contacts in the press for them if they liked'. No further action or response.
The interactions with the hospital were similar, denial and claims that the Doctor was simply old fashioned and meant no harm and had been telling Louise that she would have to work hard to earn credentials.

Louise's dad looks up church abuse on the internet, and finds several church safeguarding and abuse charities. On closer investigation, he finds that they are all linked to the denomination that the village church belongs to, some more obviously than others, members of the board, members of the charity, are also members of the church and some also hold safeguarding representative positions in the church, meaning that there is nowhere impartial for Louise and her family to turn for help.

Although the family are well off, there seems to be no further action that they can take. The last effort was to contact the head offices of the church, who told them that they would refer the case back to the Bishop. Nothing ever came of it, and all the family could do was support and believe Louise.
There is no doubt in the family's mind that Louise was almost groomed, that their trust in a church officer because of who he was,  put Louise in a vulnerable position, and at very least, Andrew and his friend's behavior was inappropriate.

As it stands, nothing has been done. The family have moved on as best they can, and the parents and children are more aware of safety and keeping themselves and the family safe. They are preparing to leave the village for a fresh start elsewhere when Louise completes her first year at college.